We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Someone signed my nipple.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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