I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
