If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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