I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
