too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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