when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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