I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize