I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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