you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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