im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
