he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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