I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Found your dick twin last night
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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