if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
