my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
