well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
