Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
