Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
