my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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