The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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