Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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