You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
high people should be assigned attendants
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
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