my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize