Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
