I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
