Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
