Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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