We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
