Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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