Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
