I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
