yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
