So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
