In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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