The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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