literally had 100 drinks last night.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
