she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
