i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
