a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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