Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
