I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
