This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
