I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
