my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
