So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
