Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
