I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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