Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
