did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
