My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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