My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
