I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I need help removing her.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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