Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
