i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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