God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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