a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
