for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
