Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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