if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
