My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Alive.
So much puke
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
