I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
