why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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