Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
