I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
