I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
