he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
