I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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