And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
