we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
