She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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