my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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