somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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