Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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