I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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