Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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