you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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