wakey wakey hands off snakey
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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