hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize