she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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