Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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