glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
