Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
