I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ketchup is God's man juice
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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