I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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