flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
