Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
