8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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