Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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