but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
