Sry I called you an 8
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
